


Fingerspitzengefühl

by dejame



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: M/M, Soulmates, and i relate so much...with matteo, i am so in love....with david, i know maybe 3 things about Germany i apologize in advance, possible trigger warning: depression, they've already graduated in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 05:57:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18309575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dejame/pseuds/dejame
Summary: While experiencing a depressive episode, Matteo decides to ditch a concert and stay home. David stays behind to make sure he's okay.





	Fingerspitzengefühl

**Author's Note:**

> did i spell the title right? is the title even a real word? lmk  
> also, shout out to plato  
> *send me davenzi prompts on tumblr pls! *

“Are you sad?”

Matteo startles and drops his trash bag. The beer bottles inside clang and clash together and Matteo knows without checking that he’ll have to double-bag this now.

David stands at the entryway of the living room, his hands behind his back.

Matteo asks, “Why didn’t you leave?”

David takes a hesitant step backward. Asks, “Should I?”

“No, no.” Matteo shakes his head. “I just thought everyone was gone.” And then, “You’ll miss the concert.” Because he knew the only reason everyone had come over to the flat-share was to pregame for Sam’s new gig. And he knew David cared about music, even bad music, especially bad music. He knew the way his brow would crease when Matteo disagreed with him about the relevance of Maroon 5. The way David would extend his sleeves to cover his hands and fingers to distract him from Matteo’s heavy eye contact. And his smile when he thought he’d been talking too much, how he’d dip his head lower when he was embarrassed, Matteo knew about those things, too.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” David says this slowly, like he always does with Matteo. It took him a while to notice, but as the summer started and the parties became more frequent, anyone could see the difference between David and a friend and David and Matteo. David spoke to him as though he thought in fragments, as though every word had to be carefully considered before Matteo could hear it. It made Matteo feel special and fragile.

“I’m okay.” Matteo shrugs. He lifts the garbage bag and pieces of glass sprinkle onto the floor. “Shit.”

“Sorry.” David disappears for a second, then reappears with a broom and dustpan.

“You know where we keep the dustpan?” Matteo asks. David nods, already sweeping around his feet. “ _I_ don’t know where we keep the dustpan.”

David smiles. “That’s because you never clean.” He’s leaning over the broom and Matteo is standing in his way, watching. David stands. They’re too close. This means, soon, one of them will move away. A game of chicken. Who caves first?

David smiles again, which, in turn, makes Matteo smile as well. He says, “You’re in the way.”

“You don’t have to clean up every time you come over.” Matteo steps to the side. David lamely drops the broom to the ground as a joke. “You should go with the rest of them.”

“I could go with you.”

“I’m not going anymore.”

“Why not?” In response, Matteo only shrugs. He can feel when he’s about to get worse, and it’s better to do that in private. It’s uncontrollable, and adding other people to the equation can’t produce a positive result. Better to lock the door, smoke a joint, and wait to fall asleep. Numb yourself. Easy. “I heard Carlos and Jonas say you might be sad.” Again, his words are slow and calculated. “Are you sad?”

Matteo doesn’t understand why, but he doesn’t like the question. Doesn’t like that someone noticed. Doesn’t like that _several_ people, apparently, have noticed and talked about it. And now he’s made David worried and Jonas conflicted and Carlos think. Not good things.

However, he is always sad. Today – tonight – is no sadder than usual.

So, he says, “I’m fine.”

“Do you...” David’s lips twist up as he considers where to go next. The movement makes his piercing glint, and suddenly he’s Way Too Attractive. Matteo tries to keep his legs up right. “Do you usually get sad?”

He’s too disarmed to lie now. Matteo says, “Yes.”

“Do you have help?” _That’s too real_ , Matteo thinks.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” And the tone of his voice signals the end of the discussion. David pauses. There’s a known way Matteo speaks to him, as well, and it’s never closed-off or clipped or ingenuine.

“Are you lying?”

Matteo sighs. “Dude. Just go. I’m fine.”

“I don’t want to go.” And then because he remembers that, despite the copious amount of time he spends here, this is not his house -- so: “Could I stay here?”

“Sure.” And then, “I think I need to lie down.”

* * *

Matteo has slept with boys before. When he was younger, he and Jonas would head and tail in the same bed. And then, when they got older, Jonas got into social politics and decided that was stupid. For those years, they slept face to face, talking until one of them fell asleep. In the flat share, sometimes Hans would pass out at the bottom of Matteo’s bed after refusing to leave. _That counts,_ Matteo thinks. And then with the end of Abi and the summer and everyone wanting to spend the last of their youth together, the apartment floors became a constant sleepover. There was always someone sleeping somewhere with someone else.

Matteo reminds himself of all of these instances. Times when it wasn’t a big deal. This is why he lets David into his room, and why he lets David sit on his bed, and why he doesn’t object when David starts to relax into the wall in a lazy way that means he will probably fall asleep soon.

He does.

Matteo considers leaving. He only has one pillow, and even though David is technically sitting instead of lying down he should probably forfeit it and move to the couch.

Matteo moves out of bed and David wakes up. Drowsy: “Are you leaving?”

“Uh.” Matteo lies back down. “No.”

“I had to move here because I was sad.” Matteo looks up. David’s eyes are closed. His head lolls to the side and smacks against the wall. Matteo tries not to laugh.

“You can lie down.”

Too tired to get up, David shimmies until he’s horizontal.

He says, “I had a picture of her in my wallet. And people would see it and ask who she was. I told them it was my cousin.” David is still slow this way, but more slurred. Not all the letters end and begin. Instead, his words roll together. “Laura and I thought it was funny, but it stopped. After, it just made me sad.”

“You never talk about what it was like before you came here.”

David opens his eyes. “Are you still sad?” Matteo refuses to answer. “Laura, to check up on me, would ask ‘what is today?’ And I’d say a number.”

“A number.”

“Like a scale. One to ten.” David turns on his side, giving Matteo all his tired attention. “What is today?”

“Today is three.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

Matteo shakes his head.

* * *

Something is in Matteo’s face. Something light to the touch, like a feather or a bug. He cracks open his eyes.

It’s David’s finger. Tracing the fall of his hair to the bend of his forehead. Over the bridge of his nose and then stopping before his lips. The pad of his finger is so soft. His eyes seem so focused. Matteo shifts and David jumps away.

Matteo's heart flutters. “You woke me up.”

David’s heart stops. Caught. “Sorry.” He freezes like a thief. Like he’s sure he’ll get in trouble. But the sight of it makes Matteo’s chest lighten. How amazing it is to feel okay after a week of feeling awful. How amazing to go to sleep one person and to wake up someone else. To meet someone and know you’ve been waiting for them.

And Matteo can feel this but he cannot know it: that he and David were once a four-legged, four-armed, two-headed beast. That they were powerful and one. That the world or someone’s hate or his mother’s God split them apart and cursed them to wander the earth in search of one another for eternity. That they’d found each other now. That David staying last night was proof of it all.

“Today is seven,” Matteo says. And then, “And a quarter. Maybe a half.”

David, still frozen, manages to get out, “That’s good.”

Matteo stretches out his hand and David tenses, squeezing his eyes shut. He runs the pads of his fingers over David’s curls, looping them through. This feels okay. He should ask.

“Is this okay?”

David, slow as always and opening his eyes: “Yes.”

“I missed you,” Matteo whispers. It doesn’t make sense but it does. He silently begs for David to understand what he’s saying without an explanation.

David says, “Okay.” Matteo thinks that’s good enough. David moves again; his pointer finger back on Matteo’s nose, then trailing down to his cupid’s bow. Matteo doesn’t know who moves next, whether it was himself or David or both of them. But David leans up, and Matteo loses grip on his hair. And David asks, “Is this okay?” meaning he is going to kiss him soon. At this angle, the small dash of light that manages to sneak through the blocked window slices across his face, and his septum piercing glints. Matteo is Going To Die.

“Uh-huh.”

It goes straight to his toes. His hands shake, and he’s too stunned to grab David’s waist or back or hair.

He can tell David meant to start slow. (He feels like he can tell everything about David now.) He came to him with closed lips and a long exhale. But when they touched, it was unstoppable. Open mouth. Short, quick breaths. David’s hand cups Matteo's cheek. The cold metal slides against the side of Matteo’s nose, against the burning of his cheeks, and he’s done for.

Matteo leans up. David pushes down. They’re stuck. They laugh. David smiles into Matteo’s lips. “Let me kiss you,” he murmurs. The words wake him up. Matteo reaches up to grab the back of his head, to sink his fingers into David’s hair.

They kiss and kiss and he thinks, _God, I missed you. I’ve missed you._

**Author's Note:**

> if you ever feel upset, don't be scared to contact a professional! it really helps!  
> for those in the states, try using ( https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1T4sGRq4T1BvUOcBHiI0Ikv5Y07N1zShbUFRBfAv_Kno/edit?usp=sharing ) to seek affordable therapeutic options in your area.  
> also feel free to message me at kingsleywynn on tumblr. I WILL LISTEN TO YOU VENT, I SUPPORT YOU, YOU GO, GLEN COCO


End file.
